the lyrics for this song are very nice. everything about this song is very nice. going to watch my 1000th movie today, but i still haven't decided what film in particular will be worth that honor. still thinking about how sion sono spontaneously saved my life with a netflix special with references to both shuji terayama and jun togawa. my dog died. looking at his harness made me run upstairs as fast as i could. it was inevitable and necessary, though, i know that. tomorrow is one year with my boyfriend, i'm surprised anyone could put up with me that long. that also means that it is time for me to watch 'love exposure' again; the extended tv cut this time. feel like being in suzhou. watched 'i don't want to sleep alone' last night. spent the first hour or so thinking "what is going on" but after i concluded, "oh, nothing really" i began enjoying it. the more i think about it the more i like it. tsai ming-liang is a god in terms of aesthetics and atmosphere. the soundtrack was great as well. feeling bad about my weed addiction! having strong emotions while listening to animal collective what else is new


tried to take a tolerance break again with less than ideal results; 1 1/2 sleepless nights before caving in. i don't know how i'm supposed to travel anywhere except the netherlands, or canada. the more i try to fix it the more i hate myself for having these problems. i wish i wanted to write. secretly read my boyfriend's old poetry, and wish he wanted to write, too. it feels like i go through every day thoughtlessly, just drifting through stages of media consumption until it's finally over. spent two hours yesterday searching for an obscure korean blogspot that i once took a lot of unexpected inspiration from. couldn't find it because google chrome doesn't let you search history by date, and that's despicable. i wasn't able to scroll down past august, which means i need to stop using the internet, particularly in google chrome. felt like every website i'd visited in august i'd visited just yesterday. watched 'vivre sa vie' and inclined to say it's godard's best. though i've only seen two other godard films, i'm sure i'm right. despite everything, feeling very satisfied with the nightgown i found yesterday with sheep on it. and legwarmers -- bless legwarmers.


somehow dreamt last night. i was staying in an apartment with a balcony in japan, somewhere i've stayed once in my dreams before. i don't remember much anymore. can picture a vague glimpse of me walking through the streets. it doesn't look like anywhere in japan i've been before. i woke up feeling hopeful. in my dream i saw myself living a fulfilling life. i think i spent most of the dream in the apartment but i still can't remember many details. a lot of times when i recall a dream i end up confusing it with many dreams i've had many other nights. i wish i could dream every night, and remember it. the other day i walked through a lot of streets. it's almost better than being there in real life, because if i accidentally fall into the ocean i'm completely safe. the world scares me. tall buildings, wide, empty fields, wide, empty deserts. nature is unnerving. my town is so boring. my world is so boring. i would die to leave america! watched millennium mambo last night, my first hou hsiao-hsien film. i liked the colors, shu qi, and the seemingly ever-present soundtrack. on the topic of films with great soundtracks, i watched 'deep red', and it was kind of a lackluster film overall, but some sequences, particularly the one with the bird-owner-lady, were too fucking good!! also, i am an absolute sucker for snow, it seems. in 'the day he arrives' and 'millennium mambo', i've been extremely captivated by the shots of snow. if it doesn't snow more than twice this year, i'm moving to siberia.